Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
