im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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