Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
