____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
