Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
