If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
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He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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