No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize