Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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