Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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