I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize