You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
