there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
