Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
