man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
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you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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