So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize