Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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