I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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