I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
