just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
