I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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