there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize