i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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