I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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