Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
