I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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