Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean