you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
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hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.