are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.