Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
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Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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