Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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