I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
