After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
