We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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