ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
