Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
