You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
