I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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