I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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