I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
