i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
