I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
