i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize