i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
