when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it glows. i had to have it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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