you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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