FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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