K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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