She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
