So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
