The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
