omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
