your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So vagazzling was a success
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
