i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
