She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
