he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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