he told me I talked like a deaf person
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
