I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
