hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
