I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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