You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina