you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?