This is not my ceiling
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation